


Love Amongst the Dragons

by Sayian_Princess_Vegenta



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Fire Nation (Avatar), Fire Nation Royal Family, Urzai, before the war
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:21:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25771999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sayian_Princess_Vegenta/pseuds/Sayian_Princess_Vegenta
Summary: Sitting in his cell Ozai reflects on his life, and his love for Ursa*This takes place from The first time Ozai sees Ursa all the way until Zuko’s banishment.*
Relationships: Ozai/Ursa (Avatar)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 45





	1. It started with Her

_As I lay on the cold unforgiving floor, alone and forgotten in this cell with nothing but the annoying sound of water dripping, and the occasional laugh from my guards I look at the ceiling and think about my life, think about what went wrong. How I became a shell of the man I used to be, a monster some would call me. But in the darkest part of the night when I don’t feel the sun’s warmth and when the tiny window to my cell shows nothing but the darkness of the sky the stars shine and they remind me of a life of long ago, one that started with her._

I remember the first time I saw her. Radiant, beautiful, perfect. Too perfect, her smile was a little too tight, her steps a little too soft, her posture a little too straight, but if you looked into her eyes, her eyes spoke of a thousand words. She was bored, obviously, the conversation she was having with the Nobel women around her was so dull that even she couldn’t keep the picture perfect facade she was trying to keep. 

I felt drawn to her, my eyes couldn’t look away from her, I was always vaguely aware of where she was, I'd like to think that she knew I was looking. The smiles I saw were different than the ones she gave others. It felt like a game, a game only we knew and one that wouldn’t have a clear winner. She would look past me and smile, I’d get distracted by my brother or father or some Nobel who’s name wasn’t important and then she would disappear. I would search through the crowds for her and when I found her she would bite her lip to keep from smiling and the game would start again. Sometimes she would move closer and others far away. At one point she was so close I could smell her perfume. She was toying with me, we both knew it. I being the prince of the fire nation could have at any time ended the game and called her out but I never did it was too much fun. It kept me interested and entertained during this gathering. It was a celebration, all of the gold and red shining throughout the fire nation palace, all of the thousands of people in good spirits, all of it for my nephew Lu Ten, at barely the age of 6 he was able to firebend and my father was proud. The Look he gave my brother and his son was never directed at me even with all my achievements. It was always for his first born the “heir” to the throne The self proclaimed “Dragon of the west” I hated my brother, that much I never hid even now. But looking at my father's smile with such pride in his eyes fueled me with such a rage that it took all of my self control to not light this whole place on fire. 

The game however would make me forget if only for a moment. Forget that I was second place always to Iroh. It would make me forget that my nephew was technically my replacement and that there was no real need for my existence anymore. But the game could only do so much before I was forced back to reality. 

“Ozai!” 

If not for the large crowd Her distractions would have cost me much pain. Azulon The Firelord and my father had been calling me, my Blatant disrespect accidental or not was not to be seen as a light offense. But he was in a good mood today and so my only punishment for ignoring him was the pricing glare of his eyes, if he knew how to fire bend from them he would have roasted me on the spot. 

“Yes father?” 

“We are waiting for you to make a toast to your brother and nephew, this is a celebration after all.” 

“Yes father” I hated it. I didn’t care for my brother or his brat, I didn’t care for the woman he called his wife. That entire family could burn by Sozin's comet for all I cared. 

I don’t remember the speech I gave. I looked around the room for her, hoping for a glimpse of her hair or smile but everywhere I looked she wasn’t there. I gave a wonderful speech, powerful some said even my father seemed like he approved of it. He said that was one of my greatest qualities I could talk my way in, out, and around anything. I could have made a wonderful general. I believe that I could have pushed the fire nation so far into the technological age that it would forcefully show the true nature of other nations; barbaric and nothing more than a headious stain on the earth. But no matter how much I tried to convince my father I failed in comparison to General Iroh. The killer of the last dragons, the leader of the Rough Rhinos, under his order they stalked the earth kingdom pushing forward and providing the fire nation with more land to show our strength.

I never had a chance. With the wretched speech done all eyes turned to him always on him. It wasn’t hard to sneak away. Her perfume lingered in the air. Teasing me, calling to me as if our game had never ended. I followed her smell out to the gardens, the guests were forbidden here, strictly assigned to certain parts of the palace. But as I stepped out into the hot and muggy night air I saw her by the empty pond.

I remember the first time she fully looked at me her face glowed as she smiled at me and in her eyes she won this game. I’ve never been a man who liked to lose but in that instant it didn’t truly feel like a loss. I walked over to her taking in her form, from the way her hair Intricately woven golden and diamonds into it, to her red lips down to her golden dress with a red outline, she was beautiful. 

She bowed of course, but the smile on her face never faulted. I was bold and determined. I kissed her hands and it would seem as her eyes got even bigger.

“You are playing a risky game my dear. Teasing me in such a way, did you not think i would take it as a challenge?” I ran my fingers through a large lock of her hair, it was soft, a pretty brown and it smelled of fire lilies. 

“I assume that you would my prince” 

She played with my beard. On normal occasions it would not even be permitted for her to even think about touching me, but she was bold. It became one of her favorite things about me, and I too will admit that it brought great comfort to me at my most stressful times.

“What is your name?”

“Ursa”

“Ursa”

Her name was normal, nothing grand and outlandish as I've heard from other women of nobility. She kept glancing at the water, it was empty and clear, a boring pond that I myself never paid much attention to.

“And why does the pond capture you in such a way Ursa?”

“It feels like something is missing. Its too quiet and still”

“What do you think is missing? A Badgerfrog? ”

She laughed at my joke and smiled at me

“I was thinking more of a turtleduck”

“Really? If I order turtleducks to be moved here, would it increase the chances of me seeing you again?”

“I think you’d have a high possibility” I remember the feeling of her hand caressing my face. She was so warm, she managed to put all my worries away for a moment... “My favorite animal is a turtledu--”

“Ozai.”

…But it never lasted 

My brother was walking out of the palace towards us, barely acknowledging the bow that she gave. 

“Iroh”

“Father wanted to have a word with you before the military meeting tonight. Now come on.”

He walked away without another word. It was unlike him, especially in front of a woman as lovely as Ursa. It was one of the few times I remember seeing my brother conflicted. He always seems so sure of what he was going to do, a trait that I admired but one I would take to my grave.

I didn’t want to leave her, but her smile gave me hope that I would see her again. I of course could always order her presence to the palace, but I feel that it was part of this game we played. She waved as I followed after Iroh. 

The next day 8 new turtleducks swam in the pond.


	2. The book

_The one thing that keeps me from going totally insane in this cell is the bits of gossip that I hear from my guards, whether they intentionally come to my cell to taunt me or I hear it through the walls. Apparently my son is now in the middle of a disagreement between the water tribes. The Avatar wants them to merge._

__

_It makes me laugh._

__

_I remember the days when they purged the south, the ironic part of it all was that it did not start with me._

The war meetings between high firenation officials started to pop up more and more the weeks after my nephew’s firebending celebration. My father was becoming increasingly irritated with the water tribes. He considered them our biggest threat.

“So, FireLord Azulon thinks they are uniting together? But the north has been hidden for almost 100 years. In fact no one has seen a water bender from the north since the air nomads were killed. Why would he think the north and the south are joining together?”

I don’t know how it started but the turtle pond became a frequent meeting spot between me and Ursa. She came here to study herbalism whenever she would visit the palace.

“To be fair I don't know, My father has become paranoid lately. According to my brother there have been multiple ships sailing from the north to the south. Why else would they go if not to attack us?”

“So Crown Prince Iroh believes in a future attack too?” Ursa looked down at me as I laid on her lap.

I didn’t really see Ursa as one for politics, she normally became quiet whenever the topic arised. Her interest in the water tribes puzzled me.

“Don’t worry about it, no harm will come to the capital ”

“Ozai, don’t patronize me. I'm not afraid of waterbenders.”

“Oh so it's Ozai now? Dropping the Prince already?”

“If only to deflate that big ego of yours.” She giggled to herself.

With the increased paranoia that my father had developed it was rare for me and Ursa to spend time alone together. Even my brother rarely was able to see his family. I have to admit my brother was a very patient man much more so than my father. But his fuse was short lately something big was on his mind; not that I cared to ask.

“Ursa, Why do you have such fascination with the water tribes?”

It took awhile for her to answer me, she looked at her piles of books, the pond she smiled at the turtleducks swimming along and I remember her Caressing my face deep in thought. 

“They have healing abilities. I’ve always had a fondness for medicine. I want to learn how to help the firenation. I see them come back broken bodies and minds. Shards of ice sticking out of them, bones crushed from earthbenders. It really makes the other nations seem like such monsters. Maybe if we can figure out how to use waterbending to heal our people maybe this war wouldn’t feel so suffocating.”

She looked so lost, she wasn’t just talking about the soldiers I knew that much. An emotion flashed across her face, to this day I don't know what it was but it was gone and she looked to me and shrugged.

“Maybe that's just wishful thinking.”

She played with my beard as she returned to her book and I closed my eyes.

Night came too fast for me. I wasn’t ready for her to leave, i wanted an excuse not to read scroll after scroll on waterbenders as my father asked me. I could only read so much about fish and moon cycles before the words became blurry and boredom took over. 

“What are you thinking about Ozai?”

“Thinking about how much i don’t want to read scrolls tonight. I’d rather walk you home instead.”

She seemed taken aback. It was the first time i’d offered to do something like this, but i didn’t think it was a weird request. 

“I um… I appreciate it but I can manage on my own. Besides you have lots of princely duties to attend too. I shouldn’t be in your way.”

Her attitude changed, going from enjoying herself to nearly terrified and i didn’t know why nor did i like it.

“Are you sure? I’m in the mood for fire noodles, we can stop on the way to get some.”

“Uh No, no thank you. Its really late and i don’t want to keep you up very long,”

I was a man of many skills one of my best was being able to read people. She was hiding something, her entire posture screaming it. She was closed off, turned away from me and her head was down.

“Ursa, look at me”

I lifted her chin so she had nowhere else to look but me.

“Do you think I am a fool Ursa?”

“No Prince Oz--Ozai, No I don't.”

“Then why are you lying to me?”

She looked away from me again, when I tried to get her to look at me she closed her eyes.

“Have I made you uncomfortable?”

“No you haven’t”

“If you don’t want to be around me you just have to say it.”

I was getting frustrated with her, I didn't understand why she would have such a reaction towards me.

“Ozai that not it--”

“Then what is it Ursa?”

“I’m not ready to say, please Please just accept that.” 

When she opened her eyes, she looked like she was about to beg.

“Fine, Ursa but you will tell me one day.”

“I will, promise.”

She smiled and hugged me, i didn’t know at the time why she was so afraid of me walking her home but i guess it wasn’t important. I watched her leave the palace and felt someone behind me.

“What do you want Iroh?”

“She's a nice girl, I know I haven't been the best towards her lately and I apologize.”

Iroh placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, one that I shrugged off.

“You can keep your apology”

“Ozai don’t do this” Iroh sighed, the smile from his eyes gone and the true man that i’ve grown up with finally showed his face

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t start an argument, it's too late at night and we both still have work to do.”

I walked past him knowing he was right and I truly did not have the energy to keep the fight going.

“Father’s decided to send The Southern Raiders, take the all the waterbenders prisoner and lock them away across the firenation”

That stopped me in my tracks, father wasn’t supposed to come up with a plan until after I read all 500 scrolls on both the north and the south.

“Really? And who came up with that idea Prince Iroh?”

“Partially me, He did like your idea of using the firenation Navy, but He liked my idea of taking the waterbenders prisoner.”

“Why not just kill them so we don’t have an uprising throughout the firenation?‘ 

“I wanted to study them”

“You’re going to allow them to have water?”

“...I haven’t thought that far”

“Does Father know about your real reason for keeping the barbarians at the ends of the earth alive?" 

“He knows what he needs to know, that's it. I know that you’re just as tired as i am of hearing of the water tribes and how much damage they could do to us. A man can only go so fast searching in the catacombs for scrolls. It's been three weeks Ozai, I'm tired and this is not the only work we have to do. Northern parts of the kingdom have destroyed most of our bases near Chin Village and I have to go there sometime next month to lead the rough rhinos and take control of it. I’ve been very conflicted lately, this is not how i wanted to deal with the southern water tribe.”

I understood his dilemma, father wanted me to stay here in the firenation. Some villages like Jang Hui were putting up a fight when we ordered them to send supplies to the firenation territories in the earth kingdom.

“One last question, Iroh and then I'll leave and we can both get some rest. What about the north?”

“The North is too far away and their wall is too strong to justify sending an army right now.”

It made sense and I began to walk away, but a thought lingered in my mind.

“Iroh, Do you think that the water tribes healing abilities could be used to help the firenation?”

“Um, i don’t know. It's not something I really thought about, though it is a very good idea. We’d have to do more research, What made you think of it?”

He looked at me confused and tired and I realized there was no point to entertain that question right now, we had too many other things to focus on.

“Nothing, forget I even asked.”

Ursa normally had many books around her when she visited, I found that she had left one by the pond before rushing out and away from me. It was worn out, the pages nearly falling out the cover chipped and dirty. It was obviously read numerous times and obviously well loved. The title intrigued me. “Love Amongst the Dragons”

I looked inside the book and saw her hand writing, notes inside the margins of the book, and how she felt about each word. The story itself didn’t seem that bad.

I needed something to fall asleep to anyway.


	3. The first Letter

It took much longer for me to read the book than I had intentionally thought. I decided to take it with me for my travels to Zian, I wasn’t able to see Ursa during that time and the book had grabbed me.

“I didn’t take you for a romantic person Prince Ozai”

“Goro, I hope you have a reason for this disturbance.”

“I do, I haven't seen you in five years so i thought i’d drop in and say hello.”

Even to this day I remember his smile being infectious. Goro was a newly appointed Lieutenant General and one of my oldest friends, or at least the closest thing that I would consider a friend. 

“Why are you here? I thought you were stationed in the Earth Kingdom.”

“I was, but my father died. So being the only son i had to come back and be stationed closer to home.” He at least remembered to bow before sitting on the chair near my bed.

“So why are you on my ship?”

“Why are you reading Love Amongst the Dragons?” I remember him attempting to take the book from me, he was always a bit too ambitious.

“Goro!”

“Ok, Ok. I was actually stationed here to meet with the fleet coming from The Caldera, i thought it was going to be another really stuffy nobleman, but when i heard it was the Prince of the Firenation! Well, I was really excited and I had to go see myself. I’ve missed you Prince Ozai.”

“I’ve noticed your absence.”

“Oh don’t be so mean. I know you’ve missed me too.”

His enthusiasm was annoying but he wasn’t wrong. I did miss him, much more than I cared to admit. 

“So how far did you get into the book? Did Noren Save Noriko from the active volcano yet?”

“Aren’t you here to tell me actual updates about Zian and not future events of this book that i haven’t read yet?! Don’t bother me until we are stationed in the Harbor!”

“But we are stationed there, we’ve been here for about two hours. I was supposed to come and get you, General Hyo wanted to talk to you.”

“Why are you telling me this now?!” 

The force that i used to slam the book nearly ripped out its already weak pages, however hearing Goro scream in panic as i shot fire at him brightened up my boring day.

//////-------//////-------//////

I could hear the rain before I even made it to the main deck of the ship. The Firenation's rainy season was always thunderous. Walking through the small forgettable village Goro gave me an update.

“....and the village is holding out hope that they wouldn’t have to send supplies if we can just get control of Taku--”

“Hmmm” The act of stroking my beard brought thoughts of Ursa, and I wished that I was with her and not here listening to the complaints of these common people.

“Prince Ozai?”

“Goro, These are the words from a Governor. Have you been in the village with the people?”

“Yes, and I was able to get information on how they felt about the matter. They are waiting for The Avatar.”

“The Avatar?”

“Yes, they are hoping that he has been reborn in the WaterTribes. In fact a lot of rumors have been going around that The Avatar is in the Southern WaterTribe which is why the North is starting to send waterbenders to them since they are closer to the Firenation.”

“My father has also been suspicious of the South’s activities...”

“The other rumor that’s around is more females are abandoning the north due to internal reasons, but that one doesn’t hold much ground.”

“Pay no attention to the other rumors, I want an eye on Whaletail island. They have to pass near there if they want to get to the South.”

“Yes Sir!”

I watched as Goro turned back to the ship before an idea hit me.

“Goro! Fetch me a messenger hawk as well.”

I didn’t need him to accompany me to the Captain stationed here. I was to meet with Captain Masao, and the Governor of this village whose name I had forgotten. I did not have the time nor the temper to deal with either of them. The rain had put a damper on my mood and at the end of the day I was going to get my way. 

“...and so your highness if we can take control over Taku---”

“We?”

“You, Your highness. If you can take control over Taku, the earthbenders would be forced to retreat and you would be able to take supplies from there and not from us.” His voice raised high as he panicked.

The governor was shaking as he bowed before me. His head never left the floor and I could feel the vibrations across the room.

“Taku has men who are younger and stronger than us, this village is primarily full of The old, disabled, sick, women and children. They- We would not be able to provide much towards the Firenation and their---”

“Do you care about the Firenation Governor whatsyourname?”

“Uh, Yes your highness. I would give my life for it.”

“Really?”

My father always said I was able to read people. His entire motivation showed on his face. He was a man who loved power, thought he was sitting really high in this tiny village. He wanted to direct the Firenation’s attention elsewhere so he could continue to be king on this tiny hill.

“Yes your highness I devote my life to the success of the Firenation.”

“Well obviously you don’t. Because if you did we would not be having this conversation. I would not be here, in this dirty village. Saying the same thing that was in the letter sent to you by the Firelord himself, with his seal of approval. So no you don’t care about the Firenation and neither do any of these people under your command.”

“Wha--”

“Get him out of my sight.”

“No! Please, I have not betrayed your nation! Please Don’t do this!”

I watched as my men dragged the man out of the office, the pointed shoulder spikes making it hard for them to get out the door, it was a useless design. One that would have to change to be more effective.

Captain!”

“Yes sir!”

“I want a sweep of this village anyone heard discussing rumors of The Avatar are to be arrested as traitors of the Firenation.”

“Yes Sir!”

“Captain i also want half of this village burned to the ground and replaced with an Army factory located close to the capital. I want those supplies and men sent to Mt. Makapu before the end of the week.”

“Yes your highness”

As Captain Masao left the room Goro entered with the messenger hawk that I had requested.

“Goro why do you have two?”

“I'm going to be honest i couldn’t remember if you said one or two so i just bought both of them so i wouldn’t get in trouble.” 

“It's fine, leave both of them, did you get a chance to talk to Captain Masao?”

“No, that was the next thing on my list.”

“Then you are dismissed.”

It took awhile for me to get my thoughts together to address my father and tell him of my findings, most of it involved the rumors of The Avatar’s location in the South, and my success at handling Zian, writing it all down made it feel like it wasnt enough information for my father to warrant a letter. Not like the merits of letters my brother normally sent.

It frustrated me to no end. The only thing that could calm my mind was thoughts of Ursa, and so I decided to write to her instead.

_My Dearest Ursa,_

_The rainy season has started here in Zian, and while I have handled the disrespect that this village has shown the Firenation my journey is not over. My father wants me to monitor the outer islands closest to the Earth Kingdom. This is a big form of trust he has shown me. I worry Ursa, if I will ever be able to prove myself better than Iroh in my father’s eyes. I write to you, to say i will not be in the Firenation capital for a few months. **“May i forever stay in your dreams and may Angi show your true form my Empress.”** _

-Ozai


	4. What i am doing?

I didn’t send the letter

I read it over hundreds of times but no matter how I fixed it or changed the words it didn’t feel right. I was a Prince, Prince of the Firenation, the most powerful nation in the world. Why would i--how could i stoop so low as to write letters to a woman i barely knew for a month. It felt pathetic in many ways, but for some reason I just couldn’t throw the letter away. So I threw it in a chest and locked it with a key.

I started to use the chest more and more than I cared to admit. It became a daily occurrence of mine. I’d write her a letter about my travels through the Firenation islands, troubles i had throughout the day even wrote her when “Love amongst the Dragons' shocked me in some way i still had yet to finish the book. It gave me peace of mind, thinking about her. It always did. When i was with her i didn’t have to be Ozai Prince of the Firenation second son to Firelord Azulon younger brother to Crown Prince and General Iroh. I could just be Ozai.

_….I don’t think you’d believe me when i said that Goro tried to fight a tigerdillo while drunk. It was an amusing sight I have to admit. He is alive, currently in the medical wing but very much breathing, whether that's good or bad, I'm not sure yet. I’ve gotten to the last chapter of “Love Amongst the Dragons” I have to say that it was obvious who the true dragon empress was. I’ve heard rumors that the Ember Island Players have decided to put on a play about it. I think you’d enjoy Ember island. I haven’t been there since my brother and I were teenagers. It was one of the few times i kicked his butt in pai sho...He should be in the Earth Kingdom now. It's been three months since I've been at the Firenation capital. Like I said in my last letter. We’ve been in Fire Fountain City for the last two weeks. Trade here has gone very bad The Earth Kingdom colonies have been trying to start a revolution. I received word that the siege on the southern water tribe went well. We even got a chance to kill their chief. Though i'm sure my father was upset, It would have been beneficial to have part of the water tribes under our command and have colonies set up there. I’m pretty sure i could have talked to my father about the healing properties but what's done is done. Some of the surviving benders will be imprisoned throughout the capitals, while the others will be spread throughout the islands. I might go visit one if it's not too far out of the way. I’ve never seen a waterbender. Anyway I have to get back to work.  
-Ozai _

It was always a struggle to put the letter in the chest. It was an internal struggle for me to either send it or burn it and everytime i opened the chest to see the letters piling up I wanted to burn them all. But I couldn't, something just kept stopping me. So i put it in the chest, it was much easier that way than someone finding it and reading it. Still the chest was piling up, and it was clear to me that I would soon need a new one.

“How come you never send those?”

“Shouldn’t you be in the medical bay?”

I turned to look at Goro, his entire left torso was bandaged up and even the bandages on his head started turning red.

“Your chest of secrets is going to spill out, Ozai. Why not send it? If it's a woman why does it matter? You can have any woman you want, why not send them to her? What difference does it make?”

“You’re delusional, you should get rest Goro.”

“Whoever she is, she makes you happy. The smile you have when you write them is not your usual smirk. At least that's what i’ve noticed.”

He sat down on the floor beside my chair wincing in pain. I remember him looking up and smiling. He looked so much like a boy and not a grown man.

“So who is she anyway?”

“I have no idea what you mean.”

“Cut the bull Ozai we’re alone.”

My immediate reaction to such disrespect was to light him on fire, but looking at his eyes and seeing the intense glare he gave me the heat from my hand dissolved. It's not everyday that Goro is actually serious. Even on the battlefield he always makes it into a joke somehow. I realized it was one of these conversations i wasn’t getting out of without an argument and i didn’t feel like exerting unnecessary energy. 

I got up and looked inside the cabinet in my office and grabbed The Sorghum liquor we’d both need to get through this conversation.

“Why are you so curious about my letter Goro? They hardly concern you.” I poured him glasses and handed it to him.

“Well one i’m bored and messing with you is always nice, and two a man of your status wouldn’t have a plain boring wooden box in his office if he wasn’t hiding something. So who is she?”

I took a drink, the liquor hit strong in the back of my throat and made it easier to say the name I haven't said in three months.

“Ursa, her name is Ursa.”

“Ursa Huh?” He took a sip “I'm going to be honest, it doesn’t sound very impressive, what is she a high ranking noble? Or just a military goon's daughter? I know she isn’t a servant in the palace.”

“She's a noble, not very high ranking but her father has connections to many officials in the Earth Kingdom, it's easy to get information through him.” 

“Huh sounds decent enough, she's gotta have some dirt on her. What is it? I know you didn’t rush into anything without doing research.”

“I did”

“See you're a smart man so what is it?” He took a sip

“Her grandfather was Avatar Roku”

I watched as Goro spit out his alcohol and choke, he coughed very dramatically banging his chest over and over. 

“HER GRANDFATHER IS WHAT?!”

“Avatar Roku”

“WHO?!”

“Avatar Roku” i stressed the words getting impatient with his reaction

“WHY?! ”

“Stop being stupid Goro.”

“Im being stupid? How are you ok with this?” He jumped up off the floor, the liquid in his cup spilling over the side and he started to pace.

“I mean Ozai this is crazy! I mean Roku, RO-KU The one that betrayed the Firenation, The one that betrayed your grandfather Sozin! That Roku? Are you serious?!”

I watched as he paced back and forth mumbling to himself, drinking in between breaths, I watched until his ramblings became too annoying to deal with.

“You're crazy, You’ve absolutely lost your mind. Your father is going to kill you. Does he even know?? Does anyone even Know?”

“GORO! That is enough!” I saw him stop and stare at me, he looked me up and down looking for any indication that i was joking, that what i said was false. When he couldn’t find anything he pulled up a seat and sat in front of me.

“Ozai, You're a very wise man. I would gladly go to battle under your command. But you have to explain this to me. What about Avatar Roku’s granddaughter is so appealing to you?”

“Goro, no one knows anything about this. Not even my father, The only people who know about me and Ursa. Are you and Iroh. Her lineage to Roku is so well hidden that even I had trouble digging it up. So when I say that my Judgement is sound I need you to understand.”

“You didn’t answer my question Ozai. What is so appealing about her that you are writing her letters daily but refusing to send them? That you're reading a book that I'm pretty sure is hers in a genre you’ve never been interested in all 20+ years I've known you. That you’re embarrassed to even talk about her? This isn’t you Ozai, you've never been a man to bite his tongue when he has something on his mind unless it's in front of your father and even then that's debatable.”

I looked at the floorboards, I couldn't meet his eyes, not while he looked at me like that.

“Ozai-”

“Goro I’ve been with many women since i was a teenager, and not one could make me talk about anything and everything like she does.” I took a big sip of Alcohol and poured both of us another cup.

“I’ve known her for three months, but I've only seen her three weeks. When I tell you that she is beautiful, that her mind challenges me makes me think in ways I never did. It changes a man. She makes me talk about what I think and how I feel and what I enjoy, things that have nothing to do with the war. I don’t have to put on a Princely persona around her, I don't have to be perfect. I can laugh a haughty laugh without worry. I brought her TurtleDucks. Turtle Ducks Goro i don’t even like them and yet we sit by the pond everyday and i watch her feed them. They attack me all the time but it's fine, because I'm just Ozai. I can be frightened by a small animal and she’ll laugh but my status as a fearless prince wont go questioned. I can talk about learning swordsmanship and she will listen intently. I can complain about nobles or my brother and father without fear that she’ll think me a traitor. I can discuss war plans with her in such a frightening detail and she’ll respond back with such vigor, with wonderful ideas and different points of view that i would never even consider.”

I looked at him hard, I needed him to understand. It was one of the reasons I never wrote to Goro while he was away Even though he sent me numerous letters.. I open up too much to them. So I poured another glass, the bottle nearly empty. I noticed Goro didn’t even finish his second cup.

“And that is why I can't send the letters. I can talk to her about anything and everything and all the things that no one else should know. It's dangerous. How open I can be with her. Goro I've known her for barely a month and yes I've done all my research but it's not enough. There are holes in her life that I haven't solved yet. I don’t know who her mother is, The daughter of Roku I don’t know who that is. No one does! Ursa could be a spy for all i know and here i am talking about raids and war plans with her randomly on a Sunny afternoon!” I didn’t mean to throw the cup, but it smashed against the wall and the liquid flew everywhere

“Goro why should i send my letters? I am the Prince of this nation. I can have any woman I want on this ship!” I stood up and Goro’s eyes followed me to the open window 

“I don’t need a weakness, I haven't even tried to court her and she's already on my mind every. single. day. It sounds pathetic doesn’t it. But I can’t burn the letters Goro, I don’t know why but I can't. It is such an outward expression of weakness that I have been displaying these last few months. One that I'm sure more than just you have noticed it. I will not be like my father, a paranoid broken old man who’s all alone because his wife died. I'm basically dancing around with an enemy of the state As the future of the Firenation i can not display such weakness like my brother can, one of us has to remain strong. ”

“But Ozai-”

“You’re dismissed”

I didn’t turn around when I heard the chair scrap against the floor, nor did I turn when I heard the door close. And I swear to Agni that the tears that fell down my face were nothing more than an illusion.


	5. Too much to handle

I stopped writing.

For the next few weeks. I didn’t open the chest once. I became much harder and less patient to my men, especially Goro. Goro and I didn’t talk, at least not in the way we used to. He was serious more so than I’ve ever known him to be. I didn’t read the book either; I stuffed it in the chest with the letters and hid them deep within the ship where I knew no one would find it. 

I noticed there were a lot more Earth kingdom Soldiers hidden in the Firenation than any of us had originally thought. There were also rumors about a traitor on board my ship. It was becoming harder to trust anyone. And looking back at it now realized that I had started to develop paranoia like my father. I was afraid someone would find out about Ur-Her. Find out about her and use it against me. Even the mere thought of speaking her name had caused both a pain in my chest and a cold chill over my shoulder. 

I was losing control of myself, I had too much anger and frustration pent up inside me. There was only one way to release it. I am ashamed to say that I took it out on Goro, who was still recovering from his injuries due to the fight with the Tigerdillo and the recent Earth kingdom soldiers we had found. He was not ready for an Angi Kai but at this point I didn’t care.

I think he knew I needed it. We agreed to have it private somewhere far away from the rest of the crew. Goro would normally be excited for any kind of fighting, practically bouncing off the walls especially against me. But he was calm, much more so than I was. I hated it. I felt like I was losing control of everything. Deep down I knew that my father sending me throughout the firenation was nothing more than to get me out of the capital. Probably so he could spend time alone with his favorite son. My brother should be off in the Earth Kingdom by now, Doing much more out there on the battlefield then I could have ever accomplished being sheltered at home. The thought of it made me sick, looking at Goro’s calm demeanor made me sick. I could feel the fire burning through my veins screaming to be unleashed.

I don’t remember when I started moving, or when the fight began. But I do remember suffocating, the fire burning in my lungs and my anger reaching levels I didn’t even know possible. Goro wasn’t stronger than me by any means but he was a decent fighter. However, the way he waved off my attacks as if they were nothing reminded me of my father waving off my suggestions and questions as if I wasn’t important.

I pushed harder and harder. The temperature of my fire was burning so hot that it started to hurt me. The trees around us either turned instantly into ash or caught on fire. The chances of a huge wildfire was possible but Goro would simply Extinguish them and dodge another attack. In fact he wasn’t attacking at all. He would just move and extinguish, move and extinguish as if I was a child going on a tantrum.

If I had more of a clearer mind back then I would have realized what Goro was doing. He was trying to burn me out so that I would be too tired to move and forced to listen to reason. Unfortunately hate and rage flowed through my body too intensely for me to think.  
Even I knew that my anger was a bit much at that moment. But I didn’t care, I wanted Goro to hurt. I wanted him to feel my pain, I didn’t want to be the one that was weak. If he was in pain, if he could feel my pain I would still feel superior to him. I would feel in control like the Prince that I was, and not just a...spare. If Goro was in pain maybe he’d understand the pain I felt when I thought about her. Maybe I wouldn’t feel that these emotions were disgusting and weak but just human. But Goro’s calm face never cracked and I wanted to burn it off of him.

I started hitting at his weak points, at his head, towards his left side, at his feet. I could see that my attacks were starting to weaken him. He was losing balance, having a harder time blocking any attacks. If I really paid attention I would have seen that he stopped extinguishing the flames and we were currently surrounded by fire with no way out. I was breathing heavily, the sweat pouring from me like rain, and my fire was growing weaker. But so was Goro, I saw him struggling to breath, I saw him drenched in as much sweat as I was. 

I threw one final punch, I aimed it at his face and he grabbed it. There were no flames from that punch, not even a spark. I don't think i could have produced any, I truly couldn't breath anymore, every gasp from me felt like someone squeezing my lungs and never letting them go.

“Are you satisfied now Ozai?” Goro struggled and gasped to say.

I finally opened my eyes and looked at the damage that I did. The black cloud of smoke filled the air, and if I strained hard enough, I could hear my men calling from the other side of the flaming walls.

I looked to Goro, I could feel somewhere deep in me that still burned with rage. But it was small, i most felt shame in myself, not that i would have told Goro that. He let go of my hand and fell at my knees coughing and gasping. I could have killed him right there, it was an Angi Kai. Everyone knew the risk. I would finally be free from one more chain that made me feel weak.

I lifted him up.

Even though I was the one exerting all the energy, he was still in a much weaker state than I was. I had a little bit of strength left in me to part the flames and walk him through. It was much harder than i thought to concentrate, my vision had become blurry, and my hands and feet now no longer powered by adrenaline had burn marks and blisters, something only an inexperienced bender would have. It hurt to walk, and it hurt to carry him.

“I’m fine Ozai, I can walk.” I saw Goro cough up blood as he tried to push his way out of my grasp

“Shut up you imbecile” 

I heard him laugh weakly, and then he went limp in my arms. The comforting embrace of darkness started to grab me, and I only saw the small outlines of my men before I too collapsed. 

//////////////////////////////////

When I awoke, I was in the infirmary with a pounding headache and bandages over my hands and feet. I looked over to see Goro, looking at me.

“Are you back Ozai or are you still the inhuman unfeeling crown prince?” Goro raised his eyebrow at me. He was sitting up reading something.

I groaned and rolled over, not facing him.

“I guess you're still being an asshole then.”

I ignored Goro, the only sound in the room was the flipping of the pages, that seemed to become more frequent and getting louder.

“You know Ursa really did scribble all over the pages of this book.”

I jumped up off the bed facing him, completely off balance and very dizzy. I tried to stomp over to him before I saw his grin.

“Gotcha!” He grinned as he showed me the book he was actually going through, a simple book about the workings of war.

I rolled my eyes at him and sat on the floor by his bed, I did not have the energy to try to make it back to my bed. The floor felt nice and cold and for once in my life I felt truly overheated.

It was quiet again. This time Goro was actually reading the book, and not trying to annoy me. It reminded me of when we were teenagers. We would talk about the future, what we planned to do, the people we’d hope to be. It seemed so far away now.

“Do you truly think being in love makes you weak?” Goro said after a while. He had put the book down long ago and simply stared at the ceiling. 

I groaned, I did not want to have this conversation.

“Please just answer the question Ozai.” his voiced begged

“I don’t know.” I truly didn’t, my wave of anger had finally set me free, and my past actions these last weeks were seeming very questionable to me now.

He was silent for a while and my eyes started to drift closed. The rocking of the boat was soothing, and even though there was no window I knew the sun was gone. Her calling rays were not strong to me right now.

“I've been thinking about what you said” He whispered “about not needing any weaknesses.”

“What about it?” I opened my eyes, I wasn't getting any sleep. Goro had a very somber tone in his voice.

“I met someone on my last mission before you. Her name is Xiu. She had started sending me letters recently, but I'm afraid to write her back.”

This piqued my interest. Goro never had trouble with women before, but he was also never the type to settle down. I guess in the five years of our separation he had changed a lot.

“Why are you afraid?”

“Because of what you said. I don’t really know her that well. I dont wanna put all my lychee nuts in one basket you know.” he laughed, but it wasn’t a real one. “It's just, I could die. At any moment. I don’t want to give her too much hope, but i don't want to regret either. I don’t want to have what if’s in my life.”

“Why are you worrying about dying?” Goro was an excellent fighter, and though i would never say it to his face, My closest friend. If anyone tried to execute him they’d have to go through me first.

“I don’t know, maybe it's because my best friend just tried to kill me?” He laughed, but then grew serious “Or maybe it's because we are in the midst of war. Everywhere we turn there's a chance for an ambush, especially with you no offense. There's still a supposed traitor on board also, I guess I've come to realize that I'm not as invincible as I think I am.”

Listening to Goro speak about how he now viewed the future made my fears seem really childish. I was afraid of showing weakness by being in love, or infatuated at least. I wouldn’t say love right now. But Goro, he was afraid he would die, regretting not taking a chance. I didn’t want that for him. 

“I think, I think you should write her back.”

“Really? Why?”

“Like you said, we could die at any moment. We are adults now Goro, not teenage boys. I’d rather you not regret.” I didn’t want to regret either, every moment I was away from Her was a moment someone else could take her. I was a prince. I could have her if I truly wanted to. But it was truly frowned upon to steal someone elses wife.

He was quiet. I didn’t like when Goro was quiet. It always felt so wrong and empty. I felt like I had to be the one to break it.

“If you send your letter. I will send my first one. But only the first one. Ok?”

I couldn’t see it, but I knew Goro had a huge smile on his face. He truly didn’t want to disappoint me by being weak, and I didn't want him to regret his chance with this girl. If my father could be both the most powerful and feared man in the world, and still love my mother, then it couldn’t possibly be a weakness.

“Hey Ozai….Thanks.”

I didn’t say anything, but I heard him start to snore and the idea of sleep was very inciting to me. When I fell asleep, I dreamed of Ursa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I hope your Excited for Urzai week 2020. i've been working hard on it. Its During Oct. 25-Oct 31. If you want to know the prompts just ask ok. BYES!


	6. I am once again a disappointment

News of my Temper Tantrum traveled faster than I could stop it. So when I received two hawks directed to me two weeks later, I had already prepared myself to face my father’s wrath. 

Now with a clear mind, I tried to focus my attention on getting rid of the hidden earth kingdom soldiers that filtered into the daily lives of the firenation citizens. I also tried to figure out who aboard My ship was a traitor and danger to me. Goro became important in this area of my mission. We decided to keep up the charade of a raging, temperamental spoiled prince, i continued to bring fear everywhere i walked, and Goro would be in the shadows keeping me updated about anyone who might be suspicious.

I thought about explaining this to my father, but I realized that it wouldn’t matter either way. I already knew what was inside the letter, I could see my father’s face as he wrote about his disappointment in me, how much I've embarrassed him, Iroh and the Firenation by not holding my temper. In some ways I understood his wrath, if it were anyone else I would have also been furious with their actions. Still I didn't want to read it, I had a lot on my mind and for once yearning for my father’s approval was the last thing I wanted to do. So instead of reading my father’s message I read the second one. I had an idea of who it was from, her perfume already leaked from the pages, and it was the only letter without a proper seal from some type of official or even the seal of my father. The mere thought of her both excited and scared me.

_Prince Ozai,_

_I wondered where my book went. I thought I lost it and it caused me such pain to accept that it was gone forever. I’m glad that you have it, I hope you enjoyed it. I can’t wait to talk to you about all my favorite parts. I’d love to hear your wonderful and creative ideas of what you think each character and plot point is about. I miss hearing you talk. I miss hearing about your achievements and all of your success. You really are a joy to be around Ozai. But i guess i shouldn’t flatter you so much. Things are fine with me, in fact I decided to rediscover my love for acting. I’m currently in Hira’a. I had to take my mother back to our hometown for personal reasons. I will be staying here for a few months, maybe I'll run into you. I’ve noticed a lot of new people moving here, its slightly concerning Hira’a isn’t a really popular place. Nothing here for a lot of people to want to move here. Oh well. I hope that your trip is fruitful and I long to hear from you again._

_Yours Truly,  
Ursa_

_P.S. I thought you might have forgotten me, I'm glad that I have at least crossed your mind once._

Forgotten her? If only she knew that she walked through my daydreams and was the center of my nightmares.

Hira’a wasn’t the next stop i had mapped out, however if Ursa was there an exception could be made. 

We were currently resting in Jang Hui having just circled back from Avatar Roku’s Fire Temple, during my six month trip, i realized that the Higher and middle circles of the Firenation was doing so much better in terms of financial and social prosperity. 

The lower circles however were flooded with hidden enemies, where I have only seen earth kingdom men, I have seen the aftermath and destruction of the water tribes personally invading certain Fire nation cities. Our people were hurting, and starving, dying of many diseases, and killed for simply being Fire Nation regardless of their rank as soldier or civilian. My father was right. The Fire nation is unable to handle the constant attacking's from both of the nations. Even with our scattered territories around the Earth Kingdoms and the destruction of the Southern water tribe it always feels like we were once step behind. 

Hira’a was far off the coast of Ember island, and while Ember island flourishes with rich vegetation and tourists, this would be my first time walking the streets of Hira’a. According to Ursa, it wasn’t something spectacular. It piqued my interest that Hira’a was her birth place. Still that was at least a 2 month trip enough time to push it far from my mind. Even if my father sent me on this trip only to get me away from him, I won't say it was fruitless. I have learned much more about the state of our nation exploring the far reaches of the Fire nation then I ever have by simply reading books and scrolls in the palace Library.

This was how Goro found me, leaning on my table with scrolls after scrolls and books lying in places all around my office. I pride myself on my order and organization skills, but with not only the recent uprisings of lower citizens, the attacks on the outer reaches of the fire nation and my wavering distrust of my own crew, I have become more desperate to provide some form of progress to my father. 

“You look like you’ve been chasing the Avatar again.” He sat on the opposite of my desk and picked up the letter from Ursa reading it.

“I’d say chasing after a myth was easier, if i didn’t go through that when i was 15.” my eyes were sore. I didn’t realize I had been in my office all day, even with my injuries long healed the aches and pains of my hands and feet still hit me at certain times.

“We are on track to leave Jang Hui when the first rays of sun hit tomorrow, unless you want to stay longer?” he smiled at her letter putting it down before reading my father’s, the one i’ve read over and over until its words were imprinted on the inside of my eyelids.

“No keep everything as it was, we are making good time to be home within a year.”

I watched Goro Frown, he started to read the letter out loud.

_...You continue to disappoint me boy, Not only are you an incapable firebender but you failed at the simple task of observation. I did not give you a hard task. I asked you to report to me any information you found about the disturbances in the Firenation; not only have you failed at that, You have failed to handle enemy soldiers. Somehow you have a traitor on your very ship and you have burned and destroyed parts of the very nation you claim to protect! Injuring Civilians in the process along with your very own men! Are you so worthless that you can not handle this simple task? Are you working with the enemy? Do you want to see the Fire nation fall? Give me a reason to cast you in the light as a traitor! Is this job too hard for you? Shall I give you something easier such as to sit there and find a wife? Or shall i snatch a woman from her own future because you are too foolish and stubborn to swallow your own pride and find a woman yourself? Your sole job is to produce heirs. Are you able to do that as well or are you too thick headed to understand the rules of Courtship? If this is all that you are good for, then never return home. How I wish to Agni that Ilah never gave birth to such a incompatnt fool like you, her sacrifice is in vain every time you take a breath. Thank the Fire Sages that I have not ended your worthless pathetic life yet---_

“Stop” I couldn’t hear those words come from Goro’s mouth. It hurt much deeper to hear them out loud that inside my own head.

“Ozai---Prince Ozai. You know i love and respect my nation, you know i’d die for the royal family but this...This is---”

I stopped him. “Don’t let me hear tratorious words come from your mouth. I know you mean well, but we honor The Firelord with our lives. Isn’t that right Goro?”

“Yes, Prince Ozai.”

“Please tell the Captain I am ready to move out per his advice.”

Goro got up from his seat and bow. He could tell my pride and self-esteem had taken a major hit and was trying his best to treat me as the respect a prince truly deserves. “Yes, Prince Ozai. Did you still want to practice in the lower decks of the ship tonight?”

“Yes, that is fine.”

He left me with another bow.

_Worthless_

_Imcomptant_

_Failure_

_A waste of a life_

_An Embarrassment to Iroh_

_Better off dead_

_I should have killed you_

Azulon’s words swam in my head over and over, this wasn’t new. I was used to such words. But I was trying this time. I really wanted to be good to my father, show him I am worth his time. Yet in the end I was a failure.

I refused to allow myself to fall into the dark recesses of my mind, and so I picked up Ursa’s letter and began to write.

_Dear Ursa,_

_I have just finished reading your book. I have to say I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would. Still it was very predictable. I’ve read your scribbles on the sides of the book, I have to agree that the final climax between the Moon Spirits and the Angi was better than I thought it would have. I actually look forward to seeing it in the theaters. I heard Ember island is putting on this very play soon. I would love for you to accompany me after my trip is over. Speaking of theater, I did not know you were an actress, nor did I know your hometown was Hira’a. You become more and more of an enigma to me. A constant puzzle that I am desperate to understand. I might pop into one of your shows if we happen to sail around Hira’a. My journey has been….interesting to say the least. I’d rather not talk about it in this letter. Goro, a close….friend of mine is eager to meet you. Are you and your mother ok in Hira’a? If you need any assistance please do not hesitate to ask. Perhaps when I return I will demonstrate my Firebending to you. I wish to hear from you again._

_\- Ozai_

_Ps. In one of your scribbles I noticed you circle the title “Dragon Empress” with the words romantic next to it. Do you still feel that way? I believe Dragon Empress is a fitting name for one with such beauty and brains such as yourself._

//////-------//////-------//////

Goro and I practiced until late in the night, when we could no longer feel the rays of the sun even if we focused. It was nice to actually practice again with my head cleared. Goro’s injuries no longer were bandaged up, but I could tell he was still slightly recovering, it brought me such shame and guilt every time he stumbled. We decided to sit down and discuss things in a place where the walls do not have ears. He reported to me that there is not one but multiple traitors aboard my ship, he had yet to identify them. He assumes that they are suspicious of his constant questions and unexplained appearances. 

Something had to be done about this,i will not disappoint my father anymore so then i already have. Goro and I theorized they would try to stow away as a crew member until we reached the capital, that would not happen, it's unlikely that they are on just my ship alone, in fact I believe they are on other vessels heading to the Caldera. It is only a matter of time before they try to ambush the ship. 

I went to bed that night thinking about both my Father and Ursa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i was so late with this one. but i haven't abandon it. Thank you so much for your kind comments.


	7. Killing two Eagle Hawks with one stone.

I heard a noise in the middle of the night. It was a soft ringing, barely noticeable to anyone deep in sleep. I was always a light sleeper. My father’s punishments adhered to no time. I laid in bed listening and focusing. There were footsteps on the bottom of the ship, the ringing came from on deck and Something was sliding and scraping along the walls outside my door. 

As quickly and as slowly as I could I left my bed and walked to the corner of the room, my dark night clothes allowed me to be hidden by the darkness. The ambush wasn’t starting tonight, that much I figured. The footsteps would be more rushed and hectic. Still something was going on. The doors to my bedchambers opened slowly. I saw the shadow of two men and voices.

“He’s still asleep.”

“Spoiled rotten prince, why don’t we just end him now and be done with it?”

“Hush! Do you want to wake him up?”

They closed the door, I heard their muffled voices filtering through the vents of the Ship.

“General Kanti gave us strict orders to not take over the ship until we have enough men--”

“I believe we have more than enough, even the few Native Fire Nation soldiers are sick of his attitude, What's wrong if one measly Fire Prince is murdered? He’s not the Heir.”

“Not only would trying to Kill the second born prince be hard, nearly impossible. We are supposed to wait until the other navy ships meet us at Mang Sha you idiot.”

“Still, I think keeping him alive is a waste of time. The other one is stationed in the Earth Kingdom. I heard he was currently in Yu Dao. We could probably take both of them out within a month if we are lucky”

“Are you crazy! Not only would it blow our cover but The Firelord would kill us---”

Their voices disappeared down the hallway. 

I realized it wasn’t me they were after. It was my brother. I could feel the missing pieces forming together. Mang Sha was a 2 month Boat trip closer to Hira’a. It would be an easy place to sneak into and move quietly through Ember island and into the capital. 

If they were going to make a scene they’d probably do it before Mang Sha. I was the bait. Of course my brother would run back home if i was injured or killed. The next obvious targets would be Father and Lu-Ten. I had to give it to the bastards. It was a smart idea.

The question remains, why did they check on me tonight? This had to be the first, I would have noticed at any other time. Why did they need to make sure I was asleep tonight…

Goro.

Goro was my right hand man. Whatever I knew, he knew. If they were going to hurt me and damage my plans in any way he would be the person to go to. The scrapping and sliding I heard was probably Goro put into a body bag and gagged. 

I had to get to him, But i also had to figure out a way to stop this ship. If i waited til morning Goro would be long gone and any alteration to my original route would be seen as suspicious. 

I listened outside my door. I heard soft footsteps pacing. Someone was keeping watch. The only other exit was the window. I had a plan forming in my head and I didn't like any part of it. This wasn’t the first time they did this. How was I so blind to this? They’ve been replacing my crew with their own members nearly every night. What percentage of the ship actually belonged to me? 

I looked around my room. My crown, sitting on the bedside table. My reports were thrown haphazardly around my small desk and the book both withered and torn sitting on a pillow on my bed.

I picked up the crown. My symbol, my sole reason for everything I do. The true weight of what it means to be a prince, to run a kingdom, and be admired, feared and respected. So perfect and powerful. 

The book was the opposite, it was a symbol of what I deemed as a weakness. It was against everything I wanted to achieve. It showed me what it means to be a commoner, what it means to live a normal daily life with a normal job. To be unknown, unseen, and forgotten. So weak and so torn.

I gritted my teeth. There was only one action left. I grabbed a small bag, carefully wrapped the book in a spare cloth and put it inside, along with a few bottles of Alcohol, a small knife, and clothing that I thought wouldn’t be noticeable. I climbed out the window and hung on to the body of the ship. Slowly I climbed around and I could see very clearly how badly I ignored the traitors on board my ship. There was no way I could let them get to Mang Sha.

I heard a grunt up above me, and I heard something fall into the harbor. I didn’t need to glance down to know what it was. 

It was Goro.

I dropped down into the water below. It was cold, Being further away from any active underwater volcanoes had lessened its hold on the water. It was hard to see, hard to move with the murky water soaking my night clothes on to my skin. I had a brief thought about the book before I saw the body bag of my friend sinking further into the dark abyss. 

I grabbed him, the water weight making it heavier and tougher to move, tougher to carry. I pushed forward. My lungs were burning aching for air. But I needed to swim away from the boat. If they saw me now any chance of a plan would be lost.

Goro wasn’t moving and the Bag was uncomfortable, stiff and heavy. I dragged us both on land and immediately went to work cutting the ropes that bind him. When I freed his face it was unnaturally blue and he was cold.

“You're not dying on me Goro.”

I didn’t have extensive medical knowledge but I knew the basics. Over and over I tried to drain the water out of him, pushing on his chest until he started to gasp and cough.

I watched him, his injuries more prominent now that the color was returning to him. They tried to choke him, the cut marks of his neck explained it. His hands and legs were red from the binds that I removed. 

“Goro” I spoke when he had a steady breath “What happened?”

He looked at me, his soaked hair falling into his eyes, his mouth pulled into an intense frown.

“We were drugged.” His coughing started again. “Most of the ship is a combination of enemy or Traitors. The chef drugged dinner tonight. I can’t Firebend.”

I skipped dinner tonight. It wasn’t out of the ordinary. I do it more than I liked to admit. Of course they bring my food. But either I threw it out the window, or gave it to Goro. I wondered how long they’ve been poisoning us. 

“I did a lot of digging tonight, i couldn’t sleep.” he laid on the ground rubbing his head in pain. “ It’s a blend of Water Tribe and Earth Kingdom men on our ship. The only loyal ones left were tossed off today. I think the Captain might be all that’s left.” 

I nodded and he continued. “From the brief information I uncovered, there are multiple ships like ours. I don’t know the exact number but they are all heading to The Caldera. They want all of the royal family home. I wouldn’t be surprised if we had some enemies already there waiting.”

He coughed and stood up before falling back down “One of them caught me snooping. I realize i need more practice fighting without bending.” He shook his head a hollow laugh escaped him “i was too easily disposed of. It’s embarrassing and shameful.”

He hung his head low.

“Anything else?” my voice sounded farther away as I gazed at the huge ship before me.

“I don’t know when they plan on attacking, I heard rumors around the celebration of the Air Nomads defeat but I'm not sure.”

“We have to take the ship back, we can’t let them make it to the capital. I have to find a way to send word to my father. Maybe to Iroh too. I have to do something to make them go on high alert. But i can’t think right now.”

My breath was coming out hard and I could see the dark smoke exiting my nose. I tried to calm my temper, But the thought of failing at this magnitude made my blood boil.

“I have an idea… but you're not going to like it.” I looked over at Goro as he removed his shirt placing the wet clothes on the scars of his neck that began to bleed.

I raised my eyebrow at him urging him to continue. 

“What if the world thought you died?”

“Then my father would be immensely happy and celebrate.” I looked at him, mentally urging him to explain his thought process further.

“That’s true, but it would also be a signal, some type of sign. Even with your father hating you even he has to admit killing you is a hard feat. If you died then it would send a fast message to your father without worry that a Messenger hawk would be intercepted. The only problem right now is how to stop the boat, and how to fake your death.”

I looked at the boat, How to stop the boat and fake my death...

I stood up, the weight of my wet clothes and hair making it a difficult thing to do. I extended my hand to Goro and pulled him up. 

“The only way to kill me and stop the ship is to blow it up. Killing two Eagle Hawks with one stone” 

“Blow up the ship? How are we going to do that?” Goro looked at me twisting his shirt of the water.

“I’m pretty sure Jang Hui has some kind of gun powder, maybe early shipments of fireworks. We have until the first rays of sunlight.”

Goro nodded and we snuck into town. Sneaking around a newly Guarded Firenation town without being noticed was easier said than done. Goro was slow, having been choked and nearly drowned to death and I was still trying to calm my raging temper. Most citizens were asleep and those who were still awake were on guard duty. Goro and I didn't know if we could trust them or not.

Finding the hidden explosives was easy, dragging them and figuring out how to put it on and around the ship was much harder. Still the Water tribe Peasants and Earth Kingdom barbarians were not as smart as whoever their leader was. Grabbing a random soldier stealing his armor binding him and tossing him into the water was much easier than I thought it would have been.

Goro decided to spread the powder outside the ship since he was still injured, and since I still had my firebending it was smarter for me to go on board though it didn’t matter since I had a mask. Hiding the powder inside small bags that were hidden in the armor made me realize the entire Fire Nation military needed to be recreated. How was it that these worthless creatures could sneak on the most guarded and protected Fire nation military base outside the royal palace itself?

As I walked through the halls of the ship dropping bags and bags filled with gunpowder I got angrier. Even though the majority of these men on this ship were not mine, how easy would it have been to do just as I was doing.

The more I questioned the more frustrated I got until I unconsciously walked into the Guard that was keeping watch on my room.

“It’s about time you got here, I've been babysitting the brat for at least 3hrs. Here's the keys for the deck below, I'm going to bed.”

He walked away yawning without a glance behind him. I opened up my room and saw that it was just how I left it. I thought to grab my crown, but The people of Jang Hui would need some way to identify that I was here so I left it. I poured every last bit of powder I had left in that room before closing the door.

I stood looking at it. In a few more Hours Prince Ozai of the Firenation would be pronounced dead. Somehow I knew my father wouldn’t believe it. He’d want a body or some other kind of proof than just my crown. But he’d understand the message loud and clear, something big was happening in the Firenation and he needed to be on high alert.

“Oh hey! Sorry I'm late, it took a while to dump all those bodies in the harbor. How’s the spoiled kid? Did he wake up?”

I knew this man, he was a Fire Nation soldier named Rohon, he was one of the men who helped me and Goro with our big fight. One of the men who fought by my side against the earth kingdom soldiers. He was a full blown traitor. I was more than disgusted. I looked at him, I knew he couldn’t see my face, he couldn’t see the anger behind my eyes. I wanted him to feel my rage. I stared at him silently until he got uncomfortable. I wanted to roast him alive personally. But I had come so far, I couldn't mess up now. I simply tossed the keys to him and walked away.

By the time i got off the ship i could only see red, The disrespect from the enemy nations, the disgusting traitors who still boarded the ship, my incompetence and lack of forethought, of course most of my men would turn especially with me acting like child over being infatuated with a woman. Of course my enemies would see that as the perfect opportunity to stage a coup. I was disappointed in myself and so lost in my own mind that I didn't realize what I was doing or where I was going until Goro grabbed my arm.

He looked at me, he wanted to talk, I didn't. Still there was one more thing that needed to be done.

Blowing up the ship wasn’t going to affect just me, but Goro’s family too. His father had just recently passed and now word of his death would spread as well. I thought of his mother and sisters. I thought of my brother, my nephew and Ursa. 

I lit the powder.

It didn’t take long for the flames to overtake the ship. The explosions woke up everyone in the nearby town. I don’t think anyone survived, I bowed my head in respect to the captain. I heard shouts and screams from citizens trying to put out the roaring flames. Tomorrow they will find my crown. Tomorrow they will know. I ran my fingers through my hair, it was no longer in a Top Knot and it now fell down my back. Goro placed his hand on my shoulder and we turned and walked in a different Direction.

Prince Ozai of The Fire Nation was officially dead.


	8. Dishonor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
> 
> Sorry this is late and a bit short. I've been sick

That night was the longest night of my life. We walked through a thick dense forest, hiding from anyone who might be wandering around. The tense air that hovered over me and Goro was suffocating. It was too quiet and too dark; only the light from the moon was our guide. 

The sun would be rising soon, I could feel the rays just below the horizon. But what did it matter? Even with Goro’s flames finally returning to him it meant absolutely nothing. My father would say we were cowards, running away from the enemy, being overpowered by water splashers and rock throwers. How could I call myself a prince, my ship taken over, my men killed. How could Goro call himself a Lieutenant General? We had done a disservice to the Fire Nation; We were a disgrace. We were…..Dishonorable.

Honor.

What Honor did we have? What Honor could we possess? 

These thoughts pounded into my skull. A failure. My father was right. He’s always right.

Goro had to have the same thoughts as me. He stopped walking and sat on a fallen log with his head in his hands. 

“I don’t know if I'm angry at them, or if I'm angry at myself.” Goro sighed

I didn’t speak, I sat beside him as he ranted to himself. The anger that burned inside me was now surprisingly cold. I felt numb.

“How could i let this happen? I am a Lieutenant General. How did I let enemies not only come aboard my ship, but take it over!” He roared

I watched as he stood up and blasted a dead tree to ash. 

“How was I so unaware? I have nothing to show for myself, nothing to say I even put up a fight against them. I don’t even know when we first started to have traitors and enemies onboard! Did we always have them? Did we pick them up along the way? How did I not notice my men disappearing?!”

I watched as he stomped, pulled his hair, cursed and screamed and blasted everything he could see. I didn’t stop him. Everything he said was how I felt. I let him express it for the both of us. I could no longer summon my infamous temper.

Between the two of us, Goro was least likely to get seriously mad. His anger was always a slow boil. Even more rare was for him to turn his anger on me. Still seeing him turn around and bare his teeth at me in frustration surprised me.

“If i didn’t have to babysit you! I would have been more aware!” He pointed his finger in my direction, his eyes nearly glowed. I looked away, his intensity was too hot. It reminded me of my father’s flames. Always too hot, full of anger directed at only me.

“If i didn’t have to deal with your temper tantrums, your inferiority complex, Your stupid ego and unruly pride i would have known something was wrong! But no, i spent days in the hospital because a idiotic fight that you started, Weeks listening to you torment our men because of an unnecessary internal conflict and months watching you wallow in self pity because you figured out that you are capable of human emotions and fell in love!”

I had no fight in me, everything he said was another stab to my mental state. 

“Well guess what Ozai! Daddy dearest still doesn’t love you! That paranoid asscrack we call a Firelord is still the most vile senile human ever! He still doesn’t care about you! Everything you’ve done, and sacrificed still falls on deaf ears around him! You haven’t meant a thing to him since FireLady Illah died. MY ANGI OZAI WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO WAKE UP! People are dying because of your obsession with needing his approval! You’re supposed to help lead us into a different era ALONG SIDE IROH, Yet you’ve done nothing!”

“I’m sorry…”

“I’ve lost everything trying to deal with your---What?”

I was never a man to cry in front of others. That was beaten out of me from a very young age. Still there were signs of me breaking, that only those who were close could see. Apologizing was one of them.

“I’m sorry.”

Every part of me wanted to cry. Everytime i questioned why my father didn’t trust me, care about me or even love me; I'd realize my actions didn’t give him a reason to. My leg bounced up and down on the dirt. I tried desperately to remember my Firebending breathing exercise. 

“Every time I think I'm doing something to make him proud. It just blows up in my face.” I whispered. “Like everything always does.”

The wind started to whip around us, and the air felt muggy. It was going to storm. Yet neither of us could move. The sounds of our breathing died with the crackle of thunder.

“Sorry isn’t getting our men back Ozai. They are dead because of us. Because we failed. It’s not just you, who I'm upset at. Iroh is supposed to be the future. Yet he doesn’t do anything to fight against Azulon’s iron fist either. He doesn’t speak up when Azulon is attacking you, doesn’t fight when Azulon dismisses you and your ideas. He doesn’t even try to strengthen his own relationship with you. It's like he doesn’t acknowledge you’re even his brother. You guys are like two sides of the same coin. Doing everything and anything to please a man who doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He doesn’t care about the men we just lost, or the small men who do his dirty work like I do.”

Goro sighed

“My family just lost my dad. What did we get for all his years of honorable service? A small 3 sentence note written by someone else. I know Azulon’s handwriting and that wasn’t it. It wasn’t even a personal note either. They spelled my dad’s name wrong. Really makes you feel loved doesn’t it? My mother and sisters depended on me, I’m all they had left and now I'm dead. I’ve failed them most of all. Sometimes, i don't even know if this war is worth it.”

Goro kept talking but i couldn’t hear him anymore. All i could hear was my father’s voice screaming at me, all i could see was Iroh’s face full of disappointment. All I could feel was all my failures and mistakes falling on me like rocks.

I reached into the bag and grabbed the small knife. I stared at it for a long time, watching as the first drops of rain fell on the shiny metal. _I could do it. No one would care. Would be a fitting end for a coward. My father wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore. I wouldn’t be a burden on Goro._

The inescapable thoughts swam in my head. It felt like vines twisting their way around my legs up my body and tightening as it got closer to my neck. _Do it. DO IT. The Firenation would finally prosper. Lu-Ten wouldn’t have to worry about competition. Do it. Iroh could be the favorite child in peace. Iroh would be happy, he wouldn’t have to hear about the embarrassment of his little brother. Azulon would be happy. Azulon. would. be. happy._

Goro’s leg shifted from just out of my vision knocking the bag over. The Book Love Amongst the Dragons hit my foot and for a moment I was able to come out of whatever trance I put myself in.

_Ursa._

_Ursa wouldn’t be happy._

_Ursa would miss me._

I wouldn’t be able to see her again. Hear her voice, her laughter. I wouldn’t watch as her eyes shined while she read, or her nose wiggle when she was in deep thought. 

I felt a weight on my shoulder. I looked at Goro, his hand gripped my shoulder bringing me back to him. _Goro wouldn’t be happy either._

I glanced back at the knife and looked at him, he nodded. There was only one thing left for dishonorable men like us to do. 

I thought it would have felt differently. The feeling of my hair being cut. Watching as it fell to the muddy ground. My head felt lighter, my hair barely reaching my neck tickled as it grazed my skin. 

I looked at Goro while he held his hair in his hand, he smiled.

“Eh, not as bad as i thought it would have been.”

He shook his head, letting go of the hair watching as it fell into a puddle

“You look like a mess with short hair.” I smiled at him. He chopped his hair all off, the rain washed away streaks of blood from how close he cut to his head.

His eyes looked much calmer when he laughed “I look a mess? I don’t even know who you are! Are you going to cut the chin leech too?”

The rain poured down on us, but for a moment it didn’t matter. I picked up the book, the bag and a stick tossing it at Goro’s head. “Come on, before we get sick.” Subconsciously i pulled my beard. 

_Would Ursa like it cut?_

Goro’s smile never left as he followed me out of the forest. “Hey, on the bright side at least you don’t look like Zhao, with whatever beard he’s trying to grow.”

I smiled as he retold stories about an annoying pest of the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what Short Hair Ozai looks like:  
> https://moonsugar-and-spice.tumblr.com/post/637847356949381120/jamvna-ainefelai-ozai-with-short-hair-ahaha

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is my very first fanfic. I hope you enjoy it. I might add more later.


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